On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
