I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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