When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
