I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
