My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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