marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
