I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
