I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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