Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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