after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
