My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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