I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
