When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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