But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
