whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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