Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
