As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My vagina just recognized that song.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
