3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
