I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
