I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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