This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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