I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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