She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
