I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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