You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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