I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Randomize
