Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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