Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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