I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
