wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
