it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
