I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
