girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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