when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize