he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
