what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
