no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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