she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
