And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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