saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
