I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
