he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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