I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
