New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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