oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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