Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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