i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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