Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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