Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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