Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
