Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
