You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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