you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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