finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
