My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
