the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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