ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
