Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
