Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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