My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
