Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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