There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
