i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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