so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
