Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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