I didn't shave. On purpose
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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