I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
