the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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