so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
