In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We need to rekindle our bromance
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
