If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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